Envision

For many years and months I pondered upon having to stay or go. The grass looks rather greener on the other side, but to think of whether I would be able to pick up my life again or whether I could live within my habits is questionable. I have considered many options not just due to my recent case of modesty, but also due to the fact of being too "comfy".

 I am beginning to feel like as though life was in mono. Motionless and stagnant. I am dying to find out how will I ever meet an upcoming waterfall or a race that will make me scream to the finish line again.

Only Allah knows my deep, heartfelt secrets tucked between my guts and my heart. The heart tends to have a certain fond for this routine or rather this monotonous life. Although it leads to nowhere and it is affecting my health and well-being spiritually, it is one that tugs the heart. The guts tells me to be bold. Like a walking soldier in a war. But what do I really want now? What are my priorities like? I have asked myself questions after questions on what is wise. But Allah s.w.t knows what is perfect for me. What will my life would be without it. I learned for a fact that your fate is in the hands of Allah. Having reliance on Him may make me so much happier. 

When one says: "go with the flow," what does it really mean? Does it mean that we have to stay frozen where we are or make other decisions? I am one who believes in signs and in the statement, "everything happens because Allah s.w.t is trying to show me something ".

 In my current state of disability, I brood upon my life and my being. Alhamdullilah, I am fine at the moment. But could this be one sign from Allah? I have heard my friends telling me about this and it is for the benefit of my future, spiritually. 

I have grown to change for almost half a year and I am starting to take in this influence seriously. When my friend questioned me my stability, I was unable to answer. Nothing in this world is ever steady. What is steady, is what you make out of. Stability is at your own will. She told me that sustenance is at the hands of Allah. He determines your sustenance. What defines your stability is according to your sustenance. Whether you can live with that, it is really up to you. 

Sustenance comes in many ways. Sometimes good and sometimes bad. We all have our bad falls, but we cannot determine when does it happen. So, when one says: "go with the flow," it really means, go with what is in the hands of Allah s.w.t and go with his sustenance for you. I have not really decided on what I should do at the time being, but I hope Allah gives me the strength to think and be decisive for once. Insyaallah.